Living Life While Mindful of Death

        

Living Life While Mindful of Death

         This year I have faced death many times. I have lost people I love. People I love have lost people they love. People in my AA circle have passed away. My childhood lifelong friend lost her two daughters. And, the loss that had the biggest impact on me was the loss of my mother. It was unexpected and devastating to me. I thought I had more time with her. Even though I knew that anyone can die at any time, I still thought I had more time with her. This event has had a significant impact on my life.

            Since the loss of my mother, I have moved. I cleaned out my house. I am working part time and going to school to help to figure out the next move. I share a room now. I am on a journey. I am doing the next right thing every day with purpose. I was living a life on a hamster wheel, because I couldn’t see any other way. I felt I needed to keep my 3-bedroom house rental for my kids. I felt I needed things. I was working a job that I loved, but it was killing me because of the lack of support I received doing it.

            So, today, I try to find peace in the moment. I try to practice empathy and loving kindness. I try to seek guidance from teachers and people I respect. I read. I seek. What I seem to find is that connection matters. Connection with others. Gentleness. Strength. Love. Truth. And, the most important connection is with myself. If I am at peace with myself and my actions, then I am so much better equipped to interact with others and my environment.

            The connections with my children next in line after the connection with myself. This will be a lifelong journey and practice as long as I am alive and they are alive.

            I want to believe (and do believe, to some extent,) that this is a life we are passing through and that we are spiritual beings that are all connected. This spiritual seeking is a journey.

            Yoga has helped me so much with my journey. My whole life I have had a tricky time being comfortable in my body and my mind. I am highly critical of my body. When I am in gratitude it is so much better. I am grateful for a strong body that works quite well – extremely grateful. And, yoga helps me to stretch, appreciate, and feel comfortable in my skin, as does almost every form of physical exercise. A good session of yoga, however, stretches and strengthens my entire body. I appreciate this so much. Yoga has also helped me to be in the present moment.

            My mindfulness class at SBCC has helped me so much as well. I practice "I have arrived, I am home." I try to say this to myself with breath throughout the day. Because, this is all we have.

Thich Nhat Hanh says it “is the shortest Dharma Talk I have ever given.” "I have arrived, I am home" means "I don't want to run anymore." “You need that insight in order to be truly established in the here and now, and to embrace life with all its wonders.”

I have arrived. I am home.
In the here. In the now.
I am solid. I am free.
In the ultimate I dwell.
--Thich Nhat Hanh

Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh speaks of walking meditation as a way to connect body and soul with the here and now. Through intentional, mindful walking, "We generate peace within our body, our consciousness. We embrace and heal the pain, the sorrow, the fear in us, and that is the ground for helping peace to be a reality in the world. I use this phrase in yoga, at the beginning of savasana, and throughout my day.

Walking with presence and mindfulness keeps us centered in the present moment. Only through our awareness of the here and now can we soak in the wonders of life, and become closer to the holy. We move into that awareness through the gift of our bodies and breath. A step taken with concentration, with mindfulness, is a step taken without the worries, fears and anxiety that separate us from the present. Our bodies give us the means to become one with the world around us, and in so doing experience the reality of the Kingdom of God.

According to the Buddha, life is available only in the present moment, in the here and the now. And when you go back to the present moment, you have a chance to touch life, to encounter life, to become fully alive and fully present. That is why every step brings us back to the present moment, so that we can touch the wonders of life that are available. --Thich Nhat Hanh
(From Explorefaith.org.)
I also practice the mantra of “Let go, Let God.” I say this with breath throughout the day. I am still missing my mother terribly. I miss living with my children. I am working on what I can – and I practice the serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 
enjoying one moment at a time; 
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it; 
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will; 
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next. 
Amen.


I mostly focus on the first party of the prayer. To act when I should and can. To accept when I can’t or shouldn’t, and the wisdom to know the difference.
This is my goal today. To be in the present, to seek guidance through prayer and meditation and advice from teacher, and to move with kindness through this life. I aim to connect with myself constantly as a practice, and with others and those I love as much as possible. I hope to connect with my parents who have passed now and in the future. I am learning every day.